the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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