I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
