and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
