I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
