and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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