Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
