the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize