We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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