Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
