come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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