and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
