i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can't turn off my feet"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
