I wish my penis had an off switch
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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