did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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