she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
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I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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