I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
