I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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