You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
