Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just want to make out with him forever
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
