You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
