if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just pee around me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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