brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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