What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
