i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
