I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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