u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
