I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
