I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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