I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
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Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
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I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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