he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
