Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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