I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize