Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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