There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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