apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
