before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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