roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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