At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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