There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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