Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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