i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
so much tequila, so little girl.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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