and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
