one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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