I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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