Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
