and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
