things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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