and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
