All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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