You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is Oprah even human
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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