Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
