before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
