I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
