she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She even gives head with a lisp.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
