So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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