Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
