Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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