Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
