I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
