Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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