Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
