i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
