You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
